Nick's Notes :: RP :: Classic RPs :: Everything = Complicated - View Topic (Page 1 of 77)
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 3:58am UTC) | |
Post by ash on Jan 13, 2008, 6:40pm
“Gah!” Ashkir Devereux stressed throwing his Firebolt X to the ground and himself against a wall. I am such an idiot! I just HAD to tell her! I could have easily held it off, I know I could have. But I didn’t. The teenager was still stressing over of letting go his secret to Nyna. Would she think differently of him now? What was she thinking? Thousands of questions and possibilities entered the young mind.
His back sturdy against the wall, he allowed his body to slide down with force against the checkered wall representing a team of school. He was in the Quiddtich Pitch. The environment around him was nothing special, average weather just only that the grass a brighter green, clear sign it recently was has rained, but he didn’t care, he’d just remove it with a spell. The teenager had no idea of what to think. Lightly growling, it was not like he had enough stress already.
His schedule was tight as well. He still wasn’t even sure why he was out in the fields practicing flying, something he never was good at. Ashkir had things to think about, a life to hold together. He just let go of his biggest and deepest secret to his best friend and he doesn’t even know her reaction. The stress on that didn’t add anything good to his daily life, just more confusion and complication.
Come on now, Ashkir Devereux is a good kid in heart, that’s all that should matter. On top of the stress from recent events, he had a baby to watch every once in a while, his second cousin, being a full time student, holding a full time job. On top of all of that he had to go see advisors regularly for them to help him decide a career pathway which he had no idea what he wanted to be after school.
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 3:58am UTC) | | Post by ladyoflore on Jan 16, 2008, 9:33pm
A young woman stood outside the school’s Quidditch pitch, looking up at the large sport arena. Her thoughts were elsewhere. The student’s mind continued to replay that night, as it had for the last week. Feelings hit her in rapid succession as each came into the memory. The positive ones were laced with scorn, the negative tinged with guilt. Wonder. Elation. Interest. Concern. Distress. Realization. Anger. Hurt.
She noticed a painful thumping in her chest. It wasn’t anything new. She’d felt a murky throbbing for a little over a week now. Since she had walked out on Ashkir. Nyna had tried to ignore it, drown it in her studies and rooming arrangements, but nothing worked. She was always aware of the unwanted sensation. Today she was attempting to distract herself on the Quidditch pitch. She hadn’t flown in some time.
Can’t hurt, she thought absently. She shouldered her brother’s old Nimbus and walked inside.
As she walked, Nyna’s chin maintained contact with the bone just above her heart, her eyes turned to the ground. Nyna wasn’t one to wear her feelings, displaying them with dark clothing and makeup. Her gestures were her means of conveying emotion. Today, her heart was hurting.
The first thing her downcast eyes noticed was a broomstick, a Firebolt X, laying on the ground as if thrown. This was a sight Nyna never thought she would see. The Firebolt brand in general were nice racing brooms. The best, actually. And this was an X model. The aged Nimbus suddenly felt awkward in her grasp.
The second thing was a pair of shoes. Nyna looked up to see whose feet they were on, and had to stifle the gasp that threatened. Ashkir.
How she’d missed him. Her eyes took in her friend’s details, as if they hadn’t seen anything in over a week. His wonderfully mussed blonde hair, his noticeably blue eyes. She stopped. His eyes. They were blank and sad. And she was probably the cause.
She was the one who had stormed out. She was the one who, instead of being understanding, got angry and felt hurt. Selfish hurt. She had, instead of being a good friend, left him alone after he’d just poured his soul. The time when he would have probably needed a friend the most. This sadness in his eyes could only be her doing, and she knew it.
I am an awful person, she thought, not for the first time since they had been apart.
“Hey,” she said, trying to convey how happy she was to see him in that one word, but failing. Nyna managed to accompany her greeting with a sheepish half of a smile. Did he still want to see her? Would he want to still be her friend? She would understand if the answer to both was ‘no’.
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 3:59am UTC) | | Post by ash on Jan 17, 2008, 6:30am
Do you have an idea how many memories I have with you?
Do you know when they all started?
As much of what was on his mind, Ashkir Devereux would have gray hair by the age of twenty-five and die of a heart attack at thirty-five. People tell him all the time that he bottles up way too much stress. Hell, isn’t stress NORMAL for his age? He lived on stress; thrived on it, as much as he hated it…he needed it. It made his life harder; he needed the challenge to get through his day. It forced him to his best by putting off things that bothered him. But, something was bothering him more then usual…his relationship with Nyna.
The previous night with Pierce James he thrived and wish he could just sit there happily and tell Nyna about him and what happened last night, but he just couldn’t. Why? She wasn’t his friend anymore. She was gone. Ashkir really couldn’t explain his lust. All he could do is go visit his sister, Cailey. She’d sit there with him listening. She understood what he was going through. Why? She’s the big sister, someone Ashkir loved to torture but yet, and she was there for him, always. Much of a klutz she was.
This was the first time he was really sitting there, on the ground, actually anywhere thinking of his problems. Maybe he shouldn’t sign up for a sixth class, he was already holding down a job at a tea parlor, he didn’t have much free time anymore. He was just lucky there was no classes this Saturday. Gorram, why couldn’t he have an idea of what to do? He just threw an expensive broom to the side. The broom wasn’t the top of the line, but it was better then most had. He got it as a gift a while ago from one of his cousins…Patrick to be exact.
All of a sudden the broom jerked a memory in his head. He offered it to Nyna to pay her back but she wouldn’t accept it. He kept it. He rarely rode it though, as flying and Ashkir? They couldn’t be trusted to deliver an unbreakable piece of tupperware. Kicking his feet, Ashkir groaned in frustration. Oh, the angst! How much he missed his best friend. He never realized how painful it will be, he just felt like he lost a part of himself. It was something he would never want to or wish to experience again, he would rather die next time.
His left hand slapped into his hair, messing it up even more so then it was. He couldn’t stand not touching his hair for a long period of time when he was in a slightly odd mood or more. Heh, it was him. He didn’t give a gorram what other people thought about it. So what? If he wanted to mess up his hair by the gorram right he would. Finally his mind went off to another topic just even if it was for a few split seconds, but as said, it wouldn’t last long. He snapped back on thinking about Nyna. He wouldn’t get over it so easily.
Hey, he heard a familiar voice. Cocking his head toward the direction it came from, he saw Nyna. He didn’t care. He moved his head back in front of him, looking downward toward his feet. After a few seconds he jumped up to his feet, he slid his left hand into his coat pocket. He walked over to his broom, “Up,” he spoke catching it in his right hand, then turning toward Nyna.
His left hand came out of his coat pocket, with a bracelet Nyna made for him years ago. The bracelet snapped in half now, he wore it for years. He clutched it in his left hand walking by Nyna and dropping it into the grass. Placing the two pieces together the inscription still could be read, ‘My best friend Ashkir, love Nyna’. He could’ve cared less now. Hitting her with his right shoulder on purpose he walked past her. He was done.
As much as he wished to see her again, he didn't care. It was too painful for him to face her.
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 4:00am UTC) | | Post by ladyoflore on Jan 18, 2008, 5:30pm
What was going through his head? What was he thinking? Was he hurting inside as much as she was? So many questions ran through Nyna’s head as Ashkir remained seated in the glistening, rain-covered grass. Was he fully there? What was going on behind his prominent blue eyes? Did he feel the same sickening, throbbing sensation in his chest that she did? Did his heart hurt as hers did? Nyna felt a particularly aching thump of her heart as she realized the answer to some of her questions would likely be yes. She had hurt him. Of course he felt it.
She thought about the broomstick at his feet, but didn’t notice it as vividly as she had earlier. Had he come here to fly, too? It was only a brief, fleeting thought, a momentary question, but it was still there. What else would he be doing with a racing broom? a cynical, angry voice in her head asked sarcastically.
And then he looked at her.
Nyna’s heart fluttered nervously. She attempted to brace herself for if he told her to go away. She wouldn’t blame him for doing so, even if it would hurt her to no end. Heaven knows she’d obey, but that her heart would be breaking with every step she took toward the archway of the Qudditch pitch.
She watched as he got to his feet. His dominant hand was reaching for something in his pocket. The blank look was still on his face, in his eyes.
“Up.”
It felt so nice to hear his voice again, but the fleeting sensation of joy was just that. Fleeting. Her happiness evaporated too quickly for her to feel it sufficiently. Something was wrong. His voice was blunt, unkind almost. And he was summoning his broom, though it didn’t look as if he was going to fly. You can’t fly well in a jacket. Something else was happening.
And then she saw what had been in his coat pocket.
A bracelet. Soft, clearly worn leather and yellowed, plastic letters. She recognized it instantly as the bracelet she had made him more than ten years ago. And he had kept it for all those years. Was he going to give it back? But why? Or was he going to show her that he still had it? But what would be the use in that? It certainly made her feel horrible, like he had valued their friendship more than she had. She knew that wasn’t true, but that was what it felt like. It hurt.
And then he walked toward her.
He came closer and closer. Her heart should have grown happier. Her best friend was within reach. She hadn’t seen him in over a week, and now he was here. And was coming closer. But that distant, blank look was still occupying his eyes. This was not to be a happy reunion. Her eyes followed the token as it fell to the ground at her feet. Nyna felt his disdain as they made contact. He had…hit her.
She let him walk a couple steps further, listening to his paces on the grass, before she allowed herself to drop to the ground. The water from the grass dampened her knees, but she didn’t care, didn’t notice. She gingerly picked up the bracelet she had made for him all those years ago, cradling it tenderly in her cupped hands. To my best friend Ash, love Nyna it read as she gently pushed the two halves together.
Suddenly, the meager amount of strength she still had gave out. Her eyes began to sting and she didn’t fight it. She couldn’t. Tears flowed freely, streaking down her cheeks and hitting the small gift in her hands. Nyna’s breathing quickly became unsteady and she gave herself over to ragged sobs. Her heart, instead of mercifully stopping its incessant throbbing, continued to hurt. Worse this time.
“Ash, I’m sorry,” she said, her voice shaky as she spoke through her sobs, “Ash, I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m not a good person, Ash, and I know that. I understand if you just keep walking. But –” she trembled, trying not to weep for one just more moment – “Please know that I’m sorry.”
She continued to sit on the ground, palms down to keep herself up. The gift she had made for Ashkir so long ago, now sat on the ground, looking as if it were unwanted. The tears continued to come, this time getting into the hair that had fallen in front of her face.
This was one of those things she didn’t want anyone else to go through. Not Selene. Not Ash. Not anyone. Things like this shouldn’t happen to people like them. But she was different. Her case was different. She wasn’t like Ash or Selene. They were good people. She had said it before, and it was the one thought that dominated her mind as she wept.
I am not a good person or a good friend.
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 4:01am UTC) | | Do you know how many tears I have shed for you?
Have you seen that dagger pierce through my heart?
Ashkir Devereux no longer cared for Nyna. Yes it hurt, and pained him to come to a realization of that, but it was for the best. Nyna walked out on him, he didn’t walk out on Nyna. Yes, of course he lied, but a true friend wouldn’t take off like that, right? Did she even have a gorram clue how long it took Ashkir to even ever consider telling her? How long he sat in his room in the dark in tears wishing she understood. For four long years Ashkir wanted Nyna to know his deepest secret. For four long years Ashkir tried to work up the courage to tell her. For four long years he prayed for the courage to tell her. For four long years he had been covering up this lie, the hardest lie to cover up, ever.
Look how Nyna took it in response. Would he likely tell his parents? Never, defiantly not now. He knew his mom would come around, but his dad? He knew it wasn’t worth the risk. How would he feel being disowned by his own parents? When his best friend, correction, ex best friend just walked out on him? No, it wasn’t worth the risk. Nyna just walked out of Ashkir’s life. It threw Ashkir in chaos. It added to his stress. Yes, Ashkir loved stress and all, but this type? He just lost a lifetime friendship, screw it.
Why was he in the quidditch pitch in the first place? He had no gorram clue. He was there with an expensive broom, one of the top of the line (okay it was a few years out of date), but he was there to practice flying. Okay, maybe not exactly practice, the boy had years of practice and still cannot fly in a straight line. Ashkir Devereux was just there as he’d rather to get hurt then think of some events that had happened previously. Not much he could do at all, but yeah, he had to accept it.
Exactly why he went to the quidditch pitch was ruined by two things. Mainly one, his mind couldn’t keep its paws off of Nyna. He couldn’t stand the thought, he couldn’t bear the thought, but it was true. He lost his best friend. He had to deal with it, he would get over it one way or another eventually…eventually. But how? Not sure. Why? Because he needed to. For over ten years he had been the best of friends with Nyna Adustum. Those ten years are now down the drain, worthless. They held some of his best memories, of one of the two people who knew him better then anyone. The loss was too big for his heart to even compute. He desired to get over it, but he couldn’t.
How he wished Cailey was there, closer to him. He wished he was just younger, being able to slide into her room at night, explaining to her, she in her loving self understanding on holding onto him like a good big sister. She was a wonderful big sister. She had done a remarkable job of standing her little brother even though how many times he had to come up with ways to humiliate her or torture her. She was always there for him; he was now just realizing that he should have been nicer to her. He was glad he didn’t loose Cailey, but then again Cailey found out on her own when he was younger and accepted it. She even confronted her little brother making him spell his secrets. It meant a world to him that he was able to talk to somebody thereon after about his feelings and his social life.
He had no emotion on his face whatsoever. He was not even regretting the drop of the bracelet he had worn for so long. It meant a world to him at one time, he would turn a building upside down if he lost it, which he did once and realized he left it on the bathroom counter as he was taking a shower. Quite a mess he had to clean up. But now, he could care less about it. The worn leather, the yellow aging plastic letters, it was a lot of sentimental value to him at one time. That one time was just a week ago.
One of the bravest moves he had ever done, though harsh, was drop the bracelet in front of Nyna. He snapped it in half just nights before and held it until the perfect moment which has just happened. He dropped the bracelet into the grass, both pieces of it snapped right in front of Nyna. He knew it would hurt her. She knew he had it forever. That simple piece of material was a powerful blade. Ashkir couldn’t even explain to himself how powerful of a move that would have been against him. He knew it would sting her heart as much as it stroked his.
Such a powerful mechanism as that, he had no idea what the outcome would be. He had no idea how Nyna would react to it, or even if she would react to it. After the dropping of the bracelet he brushed passed her purposely hitting her with his right shoulder. He meant for the scene to be hurtful, and painful, not for him, he was hoping it would get to Nyna, his ex best friend.
Before Ashkir was able to get further away from Nyna, she collapsed to the ground. He heard her. She started to weep. He ignored it. Hearing her words, he had no idea how to respond. After a few long hard thought out seconds he took a partial step back. He scoffed, and walked off. He was done with Nyna. Forever. He was done. As much as he went through with Nyna he couldn’t handle anymore of this drama, this angst. She broke his heart, shattered it into pieces. His entire life was thrown into chaos. Ashkir couldn’t handle it anymore. With the scoff, he was off. He was out of her life for good.
Do I even know you? Do I even love you? But I sit here…I know you, how can I realize that you are gone? Can you come; can you be here for me? Do you know what I went through while I was waiting for you? Do you even know who I am? But I know you; will you be here for me, in my time of need? Can you come? But here I am, sitting, you walked away and all I did was break into tears. Do I even know who you are? Were all of my memories just nothing? But here I am in despair, asking and begging for you back. Can you help me? As I call for you back…
The words in his heart were powerful. Those questions in a song like format pierced his heart. His heart was about to bleed. Ashkir Devereux couldn’t handle the amount of drama in his life. The words were as a dagger. A dagger which cut through his body directly into his heart, with a tip laced in poison. For only a moment of standing there, not even looking back at Nyna, his entire lifetime of memories triggered. Everything he ever did with Nyna, everything he remembered, buried, all the good times, the bad times. Up until this moment.
Ashkir walked away. His right arm was wrapped around his broom; his dominate hand in his coat pocket, Ashkir could’ve cared less. He continued walking away slowly; he wanted this scene, to have his mark left behind. Yes it was cruel, but yes, he felt he needed it done. It was not a mistake. He felt heavy in his heart. Emotions overpowering him, but he forced himself to push them back, to keep a steady pace of walking away.
Such the words in his heart overwhelmed him. Repeating in a rhythm, a songlike format; the poison from the blade was spreading through his vary veins. Ashkir Devereux came to a halt. He turned around nearly instantly. Just staring at Nyna for a second, he knew what he was going to do. He just turned around and looked away, ready to walk off again, but he had unfinished business. He needed to attack her. He wanted to attack her, a final last move.
He dropped his broom stick and took his left-hand out of his coat pocket, he ran back with all he had. Nyna’s back facing him. He ran, tackling Nyna down hugging her then pinning her to the ground, in the mud, which she was soaked in and Ashkir had some traces of it. The dagger in his heart was successful. He couldn’t live without Nyna. He would return to her. Walking away slowly did not do what he had hoped for, it made his heart grow heavier with feelings toward Nyna. He loved her. He really loved her. She was his best friend for as long as both of them could remember.
As I remain here, I realize you will never break my heart again. I realize how much I have missed you. I just needed somebody, and that somebody was you, my Nyna, my best friend. Somebody knew, I knew, you would never break my heart again. Back down on my knees, I am yours forever, you can make whatever you want of me. The way we been through all we been through. Just tell me you missed me, the word will make me break. I love you more then you’ll ever know. I will love you forever, my friend. You are a part of my soul, I am nothing without you.
Good gorram! Who knew this would be so hard. Ashkir Devereux had no idea what he was doing whatsoever. He was acting out of impulse, something he never did. It was the same kind of impulse as a defense mechanism like the time Nyna caught him and his boyfriend snogging two years ago, he acted out of impulse pushing the other boy away, saying the kiss was nothing, it was just practice. That he was just learning how to kiss. Well he was, and the kiss did mean more then that after all.
Ashkir Devereux’s heart was heavy. Heavier then he was used to. Yes, it was known he loved stress. Nyna is officially the first person to know Ashkir is gay by making him feel guilty. Cailey found out on her own then later wanted to know if she was right, she found that out by extreme torture and pressure (she was his big sister, what do you expect?). Anya, his cousin found out by playing the ‘girlfriend’ card, and Ashkir did not want to lie to her again. He felt he was an adult and he should’ve just gotten it over with a long while ago.
He felt like asking, does he even know her? Doubt it, but Ashkir would follow her to the end of the world and of a thousand deaths. Somebody knew she would never break his heart again. Somebody knew...That was all the thought Ashkir Devereux needed. The dagger still resting in his heart, the poison even spreading faster and it was controlling his body. He had no reaction. He had no control.
Ashkir Devereux really had no idea how to react, he just did, subconsciously. His heart knew what was best for him. He isn't afraid to admit it, he's Nyna's forever. He loved Nyna. She was all he really had. He couldn’t stand being without her, especially as he realized over the last week. He ended up leaning nearly directly on top of Nyna, but supporting his own weight, his knees on both sides of her waist. His face was directly over that of Nyna’s, a clear smirk upon it.. Two words escaped his lips, carefully chosen. "Forgive me?"
My tears will drop for you, and only you...
You will never know how sorry I am...
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 4:01am UTC) | | Post by ladyoflore on Jan 21, 2008, 10:08pm
He left. Even after she’d fallen to the ground, he’d continued walking. Nyna knew that he was no longer hers. He was gone. Her Ashkir was gone. A fresh wave of tears began to fall. She didn’t stop them. She still couldn’t. She’d lost him. She’d lost her best friend. Her whole world. Her breathing remained ragged and she continued to tremble. She didn’t have the strength to keep herself appearing strong. She couldn’t anymore.
But somewhere in her mind, beyond all the hurt and confusion, Nyna felt, somehow, in some unclear way, like she deserved this.
She had been the one who walked out on him. She’d overreacted, and just as he’d laid bare his soul for her. He’d needed her to be a good friend, and she had been anything but. No wonder he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She wouldn’t have either. He was leaving her now just as she had left him then. It equaled out cruelly.
But it still hurt her to know that he was gone.
Her previous anger seemed so senseless now. What had there been to get mad about, really? So he’d had a secret. So he’d lied to her. Once. That was pretty amazing for four years. For anyone. They were only human. And she’d gotten mad? Stupid, she thought to herself even as she sat there weeping.
She didn’t care about that anymore. She didn’t care that he’d had a secret. She didn’t care how big or important it was. She didn’t care that he was gay, or that he had lied to her about that kiss with the other boy. She didn’t care. She just wanted her friend back. She wanted to have someone she could always be honest to, always talk to. About anything. She just wanted Ashkir back.
But he’d dropped the bracelet in front of her. He had had it forever and now it was on the ground, in the mud. It was now just a piece of material. Unwanted. No longer of any value, sentimental or otherwise. At least, not to him, Nyna thought as she stared down at it, afraid, for some reason, to touch it. As if doing so would make his departure, his absence, final. She didn’t want that. She never would.
She had come to the Quidditch pitch to escape the pain their separation had brought. And yet, here she was, on the ground, knees soaked and covered in mud, crying. Any other time she would have noticed the irony. If this had been any other situation, it would have been almost humorous. But it wasn’t amusing, and right now she could have cared less about the irony.
Nyna’s ears stopped hearing footsteps. Ash hadn’t been walking that long, so it wasn’t like he was no longer in the pitch. He had stopped. Was he coming back? She hoped desperately that he would, but that slight hope was crushed as she heard him exhale scornfully. He’d scoffed at her, mocked her when she was at her most vulnerable. But again, she probably deserved it in some way that she didn’t quite understand. It didn’t matter. It still hurt. Her eyes still grew wide and she still had to fight the urge to look back at him.
And then the footsteps continued. He was walking out of her life and she wasn’t even going to look back at him one last time. It didn’t matter. She wouldn’t see her friend one last time. This person wasn’t her Ash anymore. The last time she’d seen that person, the one she’d have given her life for, was a long time ago. How dreadfully long a week could seem when it separated friends.
She said that she’d understand if he kept walking, and she did. It still pained her to know that he was leaving. A second time.
A horrible realization came when Nyna realized that this was the Ash she’d created. She had been the one to walk out on him. She’d done this. She had created this new and harsh Ashkir without even trying. Nyna would have cried harder, but no tears would come. Her heart was trying desperately to harden itself, to protect her from anything else that might try to wound her further.
If he had been trying to hurt her with his actions, his words (or lack thereof), he’d succeeded. Though it had tried to harden itself and protect her from the pain, Nyna’s heart still throbbed incessantly, almost angrily. It had been too late. So she sat there, resigned. She’d lost it all. Her friend. Her world. Her meaning. Everything.
She vaguely noticed that the footsteps had stopped, and attempted to brace herself for whatever he was going to do next. Was he going to mock her again? She’d be ready for that, though she wanted more than anything not to have to be.
But he didn’t say anything. Words never came. Nyna wondered what was going on. Nothing was happening. Nothing was –
Then she felt something hit her, embracing her before flipping her over on to her back. Her first thought was that she was being attacked by something and that she hadn’t been smart enough to bring her dang wand. (What kind of a witch was she if she couldn’t remember a simple wand?) Her second was that this encounter wasn’t particularly violent, that it was more surprising than anything. She was now lying flat, facing the sky. Her back was covered in mud and she didn’t know exactly how she’d gotten that way.
What the he – her thought was cut off as she saw a familiar face above her own, blocking out much of the sky. It was Ashkir’s. Her mind raced with mixed emotions and questions. Was she happy to see him? Even after what he’d just done to hurt her so? Did he want her back? Did she want him back? Why was he on top of her?
But there was a smirk on his lips. She knew then that this was her Ashkir. The one she would have traded her life for. And she knew that he wouldn’t hurt her anymore. He wasn’t going to say mean things, or scoff, or kick her while she was down (literally or figuratively). He was her friend again. He was hers again, she knew it. It felt so wonderful.
She hoped he knew how much she regretted her actions, her anger, her senseless feelings of hurt. It had probably been the stupidest thing she’d ever done, leaving him. She hoped he knew that she would never hurt him again, never leave him again. She would take better care of her friend’s heart, as she knew he would take care of hers.
"Forgive me?"
The words came out as if each was chosen with much thought and consideration. She looked back into his striking blue eyes. They were no longer full of sadness or scorn, but instead something she couldn’t name, but was happy to see anyway. Would she forgive him? Would she take him back, after what he’d done to hurt her? He’d obviously forgiven her, even after all she’d done to wrong him. Wasn’t that what friends did for each other? Forgive?
But what would she say? Of course she was going to forgive him, that much was easily established. He was her best friend after all. But how would she say it? He’d chosen each of his words carefully in asking for her forgiveness. She should too. But no words seemed good enough right now. Goodness, if only her mind wasn’t so…contrasting. She had just been trying to cope with the loss of her best friend, and now he was asking her forgiveness. Now she had him back. Her mind was a jumble of emotions. Words simply did not seem to fit.
At a loss for words, she simply nodded to the best of her abilities.
It would convey her sentiments justly, she thought, although nodding wasn’t as easy as it would have been if she’d been sitting up. She was trying not to get any more mud in her hair than she had already acquired.
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 4:01am UTC) | | Post by ash on Jan 22, 2008, 10:58pm
It was the cascades of the few moments which have passed between the two that have felt as lifetimes, each. Ashkir Devereux felt his move was correct in every way toward Nyna he had attempted. Though, it turned out differently then he expected. Every move he just attempted had made his life different. It showed him as a different, harsher man. He didn’t like that. The feeling however felt wonderful, like revenge. The direction and quick thinking have made the past five minutes the most enjoyable in his life, regardless of the circumstances. Mr. Devereux just proved his creativity, cleverness and his entire thinking process of thought and yet his personality of which it was now.
In the past five minutes, much has changed. The past five minutes, only two words were ever spoken and the two words represented a past lifetime. And a rocky lifetime which only lasted over a week was included but, yet a cheers to a new lifetime. Three lifetimes merged together, was something different. The two words were probably going to be the most important in Mr. Devereux’s and Nyna’s lives. The man had much riding on his shoulders with this tense moment. May not he fail in his emotions, heart or his mind. What ever will happen in the next few moments as fate and time rolled them out very well could change the man forever and his entire world as he knew it. Oh well, he would have to deal with it and the outcome however it happened, even if it was against his will. Hopefully not.
Where did the courage even come from? Why did he even turn back for Nyna? If only Mr. Devereux knew. That small amount of courage, just the of courage stroke made his impulse powerful enough to take over his mind and body and listen to his heart. His impulse did what his heart wanted him to do. It just did him a world of good. More then anyone, even Ashkir could ever understand. So, there he was, the little did Ashkir even understand, he would have to deal with it. Yes he has secretly told himself that several times. The young Ashkir Devereux just had a lifetime of events and surprises to last him forevermore in this lifetime and the next. What did his heart want to do? Ashkir Devereux had just become confused about that.
At least the young man was ready to open his heart once again. If only. If only, Nyna took him back. If only, Nyna knew the thoughts rushing through his head. If only. The man was confused, and he just changed his thought process in the past few moments to represent of what it was before and what it is now. He only wanted his best friend or former best friend, whatever they were, and Nyna to understand what was going through his mind. He loved Nyna. And only if Nyna decided to forgive him. Ashkir Devereux had too much riding on this moment of his life. Way too much for his liking, well, for anyone’s liking. Only if. There were too many things rushing in his mind now, them ever changing.
Several scenarios rushed through the man’s mind. Heartfelt, hateful, name it, he just thought of it. Moments of courage, and the cascades of all of his emotions were clashing into one another, he was slowly falling apart awaiting the reaction, the movement of Nyna’s lips. He needed an answer. He hungered for that answer. He wanted the reaction Nyna would make more then anything in the world, either good or not. His hunger was far greater then the time he stole Nyna’s chocolate constantly. Mmm…chocolate. Okay now back on topic. Really. What was there to be nervous about? A lot, his entire life as he knew it depended on the next few moments, Nyna’s reaction. Hopefully Nyna would say ‘yes’ to his question. His thoughts begging for an answer, his face with its smirk was begging for the answer. Just the simple word ‘yes’ would do fine; he knew it was easier to say then to do. He craved such an answer.
Ashkir was there, ready to burst into tears. His heart felt weak. He felt weak. What was there to do? Nothing. Ashkir couldn’t do anything. He wanted to tear apart his soul. He wanted to tear apart everything that ever met and was to him. His heart continued to be heavy, he never had an idea of when it would not be. His eyes grew heavy. Within a few seconds he snapped them closed to hold back the tears that were about to flood down his cheeks. This man loved this woman with all of his life. He knew her too well to loose her. Ashkir Devereux would follow her to the end of the earth of a thousand suns. There was not much he needed to state else. His heart busted into song.
His thoughts slowed to become repetitive. He was still there with Nyna pinned under him, in the mud of the soft January’s previous night’s rain. The sound of the environment around the two was completely deserted, quiet. It was only him and Nyna. The soft blows of the wind or the movements of Nyna and Ashkir were the only sounds made in the past few moments, and perhaps the moments to come. Ashkir kept his position with Nyna pinned under him. He hopefully was not torturing her or anything; he cared for her more then anything. He would walk out of her life if she just told him to do so, as much as his heart would be against it. He still was there craving such an answer.
He didn’t care anymore. Okay, that was a lie. He cared. He cared. He cared. Yes, he couldn’t say that enough times. He loved Nyna…he loves Nyna! What else could he do? Shed tears for her or what not? He had already done that at Maddam Puddifoot’s Tea Parlor. He broke down crying softly on the table in the mess of the soda he spelt after Nyna stormed off. Only if she knew…but maybe, perhaps it was better for her not to. He was a man. He was too big to cry, there was nothing else to convince him otherwise. It isn’t likely he would admit that he broke down crying just because of a fight that had no physical damage. It only had emotional, mental, and social damage.
All he really wanted to do was just to escape the pain he had gone through. Walking away as he originally planned probably was not the brightest thing to do. There was not much left the man, Mr. Devereux could do now. He depended on stress, yes, but this situation, this social situation was different. This was a matter of life or death of his entire social life as he knew it, basically. Nyna is one of the few friends he has, and the only friend he had for over an extended period of time. The pain of losing her was too much for Ashkir Devereux to bear over the past week. His reactions were clear. He stayed awake too many long nights just thinking of her, as much as he wanted to push the thoughts out of his mind, it only made it worse.
The first time I laid eyes on you, I was about to cry as I look back. To see the time when we were kids. To share the memories we once passed. Of how I wish we could go back. Now we grown, now we gone. How I cry as I see the change. If only you knew, if only you knew. How I sit here, how I wish. How I want you to be with me. My friend, my dear friend. How I saw the beauty of what it was for, my friend, my friend. Of where have you gone? Where have we gone? We have out run the source of all. Here we are, lying together in some place I know hardly none of. Of how I love you. My friend, my friend. My sister…
He tried to hurt her. He felt he was successful. Look at the evidence, Nyna broke out crying, Ashkir continued to be a jerk. There he was. First of all, he dropped a bracelet that held so much sentimental value, snapped in half in front of Nyna. That was one of the last straws, for her he knew it was. He pushed her with force after he dropped it. His words and tone were harsh as he was ignoring her. He was trying to do so. He was at fault though; he lied to his best friend, and kept this a secret from her. He probably should’ve told her when he was first confused about his sexuality four years ago. Even when he was snogging that other guy two years ago. He had plenty of chances to tell her, he just never did. He never had the courage to, until Nyna pried it out of him.
Luckily she did not figure it out by walking into him and Piece James snogging at the Red Star Lounge, that defiantly would give it away, especially with how much passion both, Ashkir and Pierce put into it. They both gave a lot. Ashkir didn’t give the best, be he gave a lot, more then normal, defiantly more then he gave that guy when he was sixteen. Though however, the kiss in the Red Star Lounge really met nothing unlike the lie he had told when he was sixteen. He wasn’t dating Pierce; he just started kissing some random guy in a bar. But that guy when he was sixteen, Ashkir and him were dating, keeping their relationship single. Nyna and Cailey were the only people to ever see them together. Well, Cailey knew what was going on, Nyna did not.
He had held too much back from Nyna, he regretted it, but there was not much he could do it was the past, this is now the present. He was there vaguely. His memories were strong. Shaking his head, he had to snap out of the trance he was in, he snapped out of his trance. Ashkir Devereux had to move on. But, Nyna was still pinned under him. He cannot believe he just attacked his former best friend and asked the simplest hardest question ever in the world. He was there with a reply…but why was he continuing to hold Nyna there with force? He had no right to hold a woman down like that. Oh well, that was then, now this is now…but wait, he is holding a woman down now.
Ashkir Devereux was not in the right state of mind. He went insane. He would’ve never have done what he just did to Nyna before. He hoped and prayed he wasn’t too violet. Hope was something he needed. Hopefully he would get it. The man was there, afraid. It was clear why he was afraid. But yet, only a few moments have passed so far since the attack, they each felt like a lifetime as he waited for the reply from Nyna. Waiting was a terrible game, very terrible. Why? It was hard, the tension built, and yet the hope continued to build and fade at the same time. Nothing really made sense anymore, nothing never did. But still, the waiting game was not fun at all. It was one of the worst games that existed. But sometimes, the waiting game was the best game. The results can be pleasing at times and others not.
His eyes closed once again out of being heavy, holding back the tears that were so powerful about to override him. His heart was heavy. The man was about to collapse, he had no idea what to do without Nyna. He loved her too much. He loved her. Nyna meant more then anything in the world to the young Mr. Devereux. He would do anything to win her back. He couldn’t just walk away as he tried to. Him running over, running back to attack Nyna to beg for her forgiveness was a clear example of that. He couldn’t keep himself away. He loved her too much. What was there left to do? All he could do was holding back his tears. There was nothing much else to do anyway. He opened his eyes again.
Yet he still was there on top of Nyna, not far from her face with the smirk continuous on his face. He was waiting for the answer. The answer he dreaded and worked himself up over. He had a light sweat from his brow, at least no drops dropping on Nyna. His heart rate continued to increase; his heart was racing a rabbit and winning. The rabbit was now the turtle. Sadden, and sadly, the young Mr. Devereux is going to die of a heart attack if he continues to live like this. Somebody needs to knock some healthy habits into the man. He was talented, yes, but the brightest? No, he used stress to his advantage, but he let too much build up. However, he needs to relax more often. If he had done so earlier in his life, this thing between him and Nyna probably would’ve never happened, she would’ve known and the issue would’ve been over with years ago.
When I saw you for the first time. I knew you were the one. You didn’t say a word to me. But love was in the air. Then, you held my hand. And pulled me into your world. From then on, my life has changed for good. Now I’ll never feel lonely again ’cause you are in my life. Love, how can I explain to you. The way I feel inside when I think of you. I thank you for everything that you’ve showed me. Don’t you ever forget that. I love you. Love, I know that someday real soon. You’ll be right next to me. Holding me so tight, so I will always be yours. Although we can’t be together now. Remember I am here for you. And I know you’re there for me. Whenever I long to be with you, I just close my eyes and pretend you’re here. I see you, I touch you, I feel you, like real. Nothing can ever change. When I feel inside. How long must I be far away from you. I don’t know dear, but I know. We are one.
He watched Nyna’s face closely as his thoughts slowed. He saw her head nod. A simple nod. That was all he needed. That was all that was needed. His heart was ready to shout to the heavens. Nyna accepted his apology. He got his answer. Ashkir Devereux put down his head even closer to her, giving her a light kiss on the right cheek. He really never did that yet, really never ever did that before. He let go of her arms, giving her a hug and rolling to her side in the mud. A wide grin on his face, he had his best friend back. Ashkir Devereux now was the happiest man on Earth. The happiest man ever. He still had his long time friend, and he was gorram proud of it.
His left hand reached over, prying the bracelet away from Nyna. He slid his wand out of his side pocket gently. Without a word, with only hope, love, and passion he pointed at the bracelet it repaired itself. He had never preformed a wordless spell before. He put the wand back into his side pocket and tied the bracelet back on his right arm. Ashkir Devereux felt naked without the bracelet being on. Now he felt whole with it back on his arm, its rightful place forever and forevermore. It was his bracelet and the sign, the symbol of his and Nyna’s relationship to Ashkir. It was a powerful artifact, and a powerful scene mover. The bracelet has gone through a lot as both Ashkir and Nyna done so. No matter how crappy or old the bracelet became, Ashkir loved it, not for its look, but for what it meant.
The tears he had held back so variedly for so long slowly begun to poor down the sides of his cheeks, he did not care. They were now, to seem tears of joy. But they really meant a lot more. They were all of his emotion, his world pouring out of his soul leaving him. It was a part of him, the tears were much more then what they just were, they were symbolic as well. Nothing else Ashkir Devereux could do. Within seconds he stopped the flow of tears. He perked his ears to listen to Nyna carefully just in case she said something. He was overwhelmed with joy.
The grin still on his face, Ashkir Devereux clutched some mud in his left hand, and threw it up in the air without much of an effort, to hit Nyna. He did it on purpose; it was only a playful move. He and Nyna haven’t been in the mud for a long time, years in fact. Just like old times, there they were both laying, side to side in the mud, but however Nyna being much more covered in it then Ashkir was. Too bad Ashkir wore nice clothes that day. Ashkir felt like an idiot. He made a mistake by hiding his secret so long from Nyna. But now, she knew, everything was right in the world. He was happy, that was all there is to it. Happiness.
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 4:01am UTC) | | Post by ladyoflore on Jan 26, 2008, 11:44pm
Though she was on her back, Nyna couldn’t see the sky. She didn’t care, though. It was an unexciting and rather pale grey, just as it was about every other day in January. The storm clouds that had rained on the field the night before were probably gone by now. Not that she could see it, and not like she cared, anyway. She had the most wonderful sight in the whole world in front of her very eyes. Much better than the dull sky or the frail clouds that might have remained.
She had her best friend’s face in front of her own. And he was smiling, smirking really. At her. Heavens, it felt wonderful. Even if he was pushing her arms into the mud slightly. It was so good to see him happy, instead of the harsh, unfeeling Ashkir she had seen before. That had been…unbearable. But that Ash was gone, she was certain (or hoping desperately). And good riddance. She hadn’t liked him like that. At all. She had not been pleased to realize that her actions, her overreactions, had made him that way. But as was mentioned earlier, good riddance.
Nyna had been watching her friend’s eyes in the moments after he’d asked her forgiveness and the moments before she gave her nodded reply. They had been dominated by hope. Hope for all sorts of things. That she would say yes. That she would want him back. At least, that was what she figured. That was what she would have hoped for. Or what she had hoped for before he’d tackled her.
She had hoped that he still wanted her. She’d wanted that with all her heart; that her best friend still wanted to see her, be around her. Nyna knew what the hope in his eyes was for. And she had been happy to see it.
But every so often Nyna had seen him blink heavily. The smirk remained constant, but his eyes were closed. Forcefully. It was odd, as though something in his mind was causing him pain. Though Nyna hoped this wasn’t the case. She hated when her friends went through mental conflict. And she was usually there to watch. It made it worse when the conflict had to do with her, like a friend from her old school who was debating on whether or not to tell her that she…
That wasn’t important. All that mattered was that a mental war may or may not be happening inside her best friend’s head. Perhaps she’d give him a hug. Later. When she regained movement in her arms.
And then she had nodded.
So many things happened after that one, simple gesture. The slight worry that had always remained in her chest left immediately. It made her feel lighter, even though she had a portion of her friend’s weight on her arms and shoulders. It wasn’t painful, just vaguely noticeable. Nyna was happy again, more so now than she had been in the entire week after their separation. It was truly an incredible feeling, this elation.
Ashkir’s eyes seemed to change momentarily. The hope that had preceded her actions was gone, fulfilled. Joy and two other things she hadn’t seen in anyone’s eyes recently now resided. One seemed to be passion, or something similar. The other…love? No. It couldn’t be that kind of love. Ashkir wouldn’t think of her that way. But he would be sad if she fell off a cliff. If he were to lose her again. She wouldn’t let that happen, for both their sakes.
She saw her friend’s face getting nearer, his features blurring as they came too close and out of focus. Then, suddenly, without any warning, she felt something brush against her cheek, softly, sweetly. Lips. His lips. He’d…kissed her? Nyna felt an unwelcome and unexpected tingling throughout. He’d kissed her. Her mind raced. Her best friend had, for the first time since they’d met, actually kissed her. Her hand slowly reached up to gently touch the spot of contact, almost as if to verify that it had actually happened.
She couldn’t get it out of her head and Ashkir couldn’t have picked a more confusing moment to have done it. Why did he first kiss her just after telling her he would never think of her as more than a friend? She let out a lightly held breath and laid there for a few long seconds after he had hugged her and rolled to her side. Why couldn’t people just make sense?
Maybe he was just so happy - her mind began before deciding to abandon the thought. Her friend would never make complete sense. Ever. They were both that way. As she had once realized, they made a complicated pair. But a good one. Ever devoted, as had just been demonstrated by his return and her forgiveness.
Nyna could see the sky now, and it was dramatically unimpressive, as she’d figured earlier. Removing her arms from the mud, she sat up to look over at Ashkir, who was now at her side. She didn’t notice any motions or changes in her surroundings until she saw the bracelet back in Ashkir’s hand. The two halves still looked forlorn, but they now looked as if they were wanted. Loved. She smiled. The bracelet, even though it was now in two torn pieces, looked right in her friend’s grasp.
Nyna knew what he was going to do the moment she saw Ash’s dominant hand go for his pocket. He would repair the bracelet. She knew that much. It was too important to the both of them to leave it damaged and unwhole. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be, how it was meant to be. What she hadn’t been right about was how he was going to repair it. She waited for him to utter the charm that would join the two pieces back together.
But it never came. She watched as the tip of his wand made contact with the bracelet. He hadn’t said anything, but it was suddenly whole again. Wordless magic. She didn’t know that he knew how to perform spells without the use of words. Nyna was aware that it took a long time to learn such a skill. You had to be very focused, very determined. It was truly something to see. Nyna smiled once more.
Once the leather, beaded circle was back on his arm, Nyna noticed that tears were making their way down Ashkir’s face. She tilted her head slightly, a look of concern in her eyes. She could count on one hand the number of times she’d seen him cry. Nyna had always figured that he wanted to be strong for her. Right now, emotions were just too strong. She didn’t object to the fact that he was crying in front of her. It didn’t make her think any less of him. She would let him do so for as long as he needed to be alright again.
Her friend’s tears stopped suddenly and he looked as if waiting for her to say something, but she didn’t know what. What could she say that wouldn’t sound awkward and stupid? What could she say that wouldn’t ruin the moment? Nothing.
Nyna watched as her friend’s left hand, the one he used most often, reach for something on the ground. The smirk on his face still remained, though his eyes seemed to gleam with mischief. Or at least it seemed that way to Nyna. What is he doing? she had time to wonder before something cold and rather wet hit her chest, near her throat. She glanced down to see what Ashkir had just hit her with.
Mud. Nyna made a falsely angry face. This meant war.
Taking some of the mud from her shirt, as much as could be salvaged, she threw it back at him. She didn’t really care where it hit. She wasn’t aiming to kill, just to…wound? Yes, that would be the right word. Nyna had been aiming to wound him with mud. The thought made her giggle slightly; the first time she’d done so in just over a week. It felt almost as good as seeing her friend happy again.
But that small voice in her head, the contemptuous one that had to bring her down, wouldn’t let her enjoy the moment as much as she should have. Nyna should have been having fun, throwing mud at Ashkir, as odd as that sounds. But that voice kept reminding her that he had scoffed when she had apologized. She’d accepted his apology, given him forgiveness, but had he done the same? Had he accepted her apology?
After throwing the handful of mud, she herself followed it and pinned Ashkir, similar to the way he had held her down, except that she wasn’t directly on top of him. That would have probably had more effect, but it would have been a bit awkward. Instead, she was at his left side with her hands pushing down slightly on his chest, her body turned so that she could face him. Nyna looked at her friend’s eyes once more, figuring that she would find shock or surprise, or something of the sort in them.
She had to ask him if he knew, just to make sure. Just to satiate that cruel voice in the back of her mind, to get it to let her have more than a moment of enjoyment. The small part of her mind wouldn’t let her be happy until she knew for certain.
“You do know that I’m sorry, right?”
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 4:02am UTC) | | Post by ash on Mar 6, 2008, 11:42am
His body was locked, broken to where it laid in the cold mud of the Quidditch Pitch at Trio's Hogwarts. The clouds overhead were none, the sun was weak. There was not much going on around the two. Due to such nothing going on around them and no school events happening nobody bothered or interrupted the two teenagers that were laying in the mud. Out of mere impulse Ashkir Devereux threw mud at her. Why? Because he wanted to, it was fun. He had known Nyna for over ten years, since before each has undergone a serious personality change. They known each other as their sexualities developed and they grew up without fear of the Dark Lord. Life was wonderful. Mr. Devereux had gone through a lifetime of changes to passion, hope, fantasy and reality. Nyna on the other hand has gone through something similar, but started before him. The last week between the two were the most distant the teenagers have ever had. Too far distant, Sir Ashkir Devereux felt it in his heart. He could not handle to undergo the same thing once again with Nyna. The love for Ashkir Devereux's once again best friend Nyna Adustum was unquestionable, undeniable in the manner of which it had existed before, but greater. There was nothing either of them would not due for the other. They were best friends, nothing could change that again, ever again. They would be the best friends until the death of one of them, then hopefully it would carry on to the afterlife if it existed.
Nyna was always there for him when he was growing up. He despised asking his parents for money, the situation was complicated and Nyna always provided the money for him. He would never forget the deeds of which she had performed for the young Ashkir Devereux. She proved herself more then worthy to be a friend, and Ashkir Devereux was too stupid, too idiotic, too selfish to see the clear evidence that was laid out before him. Nyna never would've mind that his sexuality was homosexual if he had told her when he first started feeling these things, this love, this hope, lust, passion for other males. If only he had told her they would have avoided what happened over the last week. As much as he wished he could have avoided it he knew it would come around sooner or later to taunt him. Everything he held dear was nothing compared to the hope, the love, and how much he cares for Nyna and his sister Cailey. However, though, the friendship with Ashkir Devereux and Nyna Adustum had never before taken such a heavy hit in a battle it did a week ago in Maddam Puddifoot's Tea Parlor.
Over the last week the friendship of Ashkir Devereux and Nyna Adustum has undergone more strain then ever before. Nothing has ever been such a powerful attack or move has ever torn apart the teenage friends. He had become more confused then he had ever been in his lifetime. Okay, that is not true, he was extremely confused four years ago when he was coming to terms with his sexuality. He wanted to deny he was homosexual, he was praying for the slightest chance of becoming bisexual, it never happened. As anyone could do, be able to flirt, know who is attractive and hot, but sexually attracted, Ashkir never understood, nor felt it toward a woman. When Cailey figured it out and forced the answer out of the young teenager, it meant a world to him that somebody was there he could talk to. But, this time was different, it wasn't sexuality, a lifestyle choice, it was a best friend. Who was there to talk to over the loss of a best friend? Ashkir Devereux talked to nobody over the time the friendship between him and Nyna was nonexistent. It pained him to hide such a secret when he was growing up, but it felt wonderful getting it off his chest three times, to three people, Anya, Cailey and Nyna. But with the conceding of the friendship of Ashkir and Nyna, Ashkir had nobody to talk to, it pained him. Having nobody to talk to, or even his will not wanting to get it off of his shoulders, made the last week extremely hard on him. All he did was add more and more stress to his load, which probably was not the best solution. The last week was the most challenging and daring time of the friendship of Ashkir Devereux and Nyna Adustum
To think of what he had done was unthinkable. He hid his greatest known secret. He hid his secret, he was wrong to do so. It was not like he couldn’t trust his best friend ever. Nyna Adustum was always there for him, now she just proved it. She was always there for him. Even though they had a week of being cold-hearted toward one another it never broke or risked their friendship. Ashkir really had no idea how to comprehend everything that has just happened. There he was, a young male, eighteen years old, lying in the mud. Eew, mud, but he no longer cared. He was happy, extremely happy. He kissed Nyna…even though it was met on the level of like like or boyfriend girlfriend type it was an act of friendship of which he did. What was it? A self-righteous act of his friendship? Nope, not at all. It was the reuniting of two long time friends. How often did you see two teenagers separate for a week only to jump back at each other as best friends as they always were before? The week apart felt that as a lifetime. The week apart was an eternity. Mr. Devereux knew he never wanted to do that again. He had a new promise to make to himself, a grave, and well-hearted promise. But would he be able to help it? He had really no gorram clue. But he hoped in spite he would be able to. Nyna was his best friend he ever had had, he couldn’t risk life without her again.
Do I even know you? Do I even love you? But I sit here…I know you, how can I realize that you are gone? Can you come; can you be here for me? Do you know what I went through while I was waiting for you? Do you even know who I am? But I know you; will you be here for me, in my time of need? Can you come? But here I am, sitting, you walked away and all I did was break into tears. Do I even know who you are? Were all of my memories just nothing? But here I am in despair, asking and begging for you back. Can you help me? As I call for you back…As I remain here, I realize you will never break my heart again. I realize how much I have missed you. I just needed somebody, and that somebody was you, my Nyna, my best friend. Somebody knew, I knew, you would never break my heart again. Back down on my knees, I am yours forever, you can make whatever you want of me. The way we been through all we been through. Just tell me you missed me, the word will make me break. I love you more then you’ll ever know. I will love you forever, my friend. You are a part of my soul, I am nothing without you.
It was unbearable for him to think of life without Nyna. They were already seeing separate paths. Ashkir changed his life drastically over the month so far. He landed himself a new job, came out clean to his aunt and his best friend. Met his little cousin…yet gave them presents. He knew the gifts would catch his aunt’s eye. His first broken arm, his first kiss, his first broken leg, the phrases of diet he went through, Nyna was always there. Ashkir knew he has used Nyna too much, it just hit him. It was time for him to be there for her, in her time of need. Though, he really didn’t want her to become a part of the dangerous animal regulation…he couldn’t imagine life without her. What would he do if she died? He frowned every time he thought of it. He just knew Nyna’s end would be in happiness, that is all he cared about, happiness. Nyna deserved it and much more. He was there for Nyna’s relationships, though he was always a bit jealous. Yes Mr. Devereux admits it! He was JEALOUS of Nyna’s boyfriends. Does that make any sense? Ashkir isn’t the one who’d jump to date at Nyna, he just did not like seeing her heart broken. Seeing the notebooks full of ‘I <3 Dex’ a couple thousand of times to her with her head in her knees on her bed sobbing, ‘Why did I go with Dex?’ Ashkir was done with these risks, but he was there for Nyna Adustum, his best friend, next time she wanted to attempt a relationship with a boy. Hopefully she doesn’t go for another childish one showing off for her. What the hell? What was Mr. Devereux thinking? He really needs to get back to the moment.
A grave thing in Mr. Devereux’s personality he always had a wandering mind thinking of endless things then what he should have been thinking of. He may be brilliant, bloody brilliant, but he was an idiot at times. He settled on one thing in heart, he wanted his best friend, Nyna, to be happy forevermore. Even if he had to walk out of her life for it to be so, then let it be, no matter how hard it would be on his heart, his soul, and his life. He owed it to her. Paying back the endless galleons, because how selfless he was and he felt he owed it to her, he would continue to do so. Ashkir Devereux owed a life to Ms. Adustum. Potential was a lot. Severance was a lot. Mr. Devereux had a lifetime more to live; he would try his best to always be there for his best friend Nyna Adustum. His mind has wandered too far off the original topic, but he had made some points clear to himself, which he’d have to live to fulfill. His personality would slowly begin to change. He was there to watch Nyna’s change and she was there to watch his change. But this last week, he knew it would have effected their personality more so ever then before. It was utterly amazing what had just happened but at other times it feels awkward. Was this trial of their friendship a good thing? To come to think of it, yes. Ashkir is fully exposed to Nyna. She’s back. He was happy, and yet, he feels more open, he no longer had to hide his deepest, and darkest secret from her.
When I saw you for the first time. I knew you were the one. You didn’t say a word to me. But love was in the air. Then, you held my hand. And pulled me into your world. From then on, my life has changed for good. Now I’ll never feel lonely again ’cause you are in my life. Love, how can I explain to you. The way I feel inside when I think of you. I thank you for everything that you’ve showed me. Don’t you ever forget that. I love you. Love, I know that someday real soon. You’ll be right next to me. Holding me so tight, so I will always be yours. Although we can’t be together now. Remember I am here for you. And I know you’re there for me. Whenever I long to be with you, I just close my eyes and pretend you’re here. I see you, I touch you, I feel you, like real. Nothing can ever change. When I feel inside. How long must I be far away from you. I don’t know dear, but I know. We are one.
It was of skill he had reacted. But little did he even know this skill existed or that he even had the ability to know this skill or use it to its maximum potential. Ashkir Devereux had much to think about, and in the past hundred and twenty seconds he gotten most of that thinking done. Speed thinking? Of course, but it was normal for the young Devereux boy. Shaking his head quickly he snapped out of his momentary gaze to see his best friend slightly pinning him down from his left side. He head kind of on his chest, facing his face. She spoke, Ashkir smiled, nodding his head. “It’s my fault, not yours.” His words were simple, muttered, soft, but held such harsh and strong power at the same time. They were wisely spoken. They were wisely chosen. Ashkir did not even think about what to say, he just reacted out of a slight impulse. Impulse was normal for people his age. It is surprising how many people had not known their impulse and claimed they have done it themselves. Impulse is what a teenager is made out of, and always will be. Impulse probably caused all of this mess in the first place, but to over look impulse would make your friendship a stronger bond then it ever was before.
Ashkir sat up, gently shifting to hold Nyna in his arms. Er…kind of. “I have something for you,” the teenager smirked. He used his left hand and grabbed a handful of mud. He lifted it carefully as he stared directly into Nyna’s eyes. He slammed the wad of mud in the back of Nyna’s head. Laughing as it splattered, Ashkir pulled himself out of Nyna’s pin and ran off. His entire backside covered with mud, he really did not give a gorram. He just made a major risk, he knew Nyna was going to hex him or chase him down. But, hey, they were having fun right? THIS IS WAR.
| |
| Nick
Administrator
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (15th Feb 09 at 4:02am UTC) | | Post by ladyoflore on Mar 28, 2008, 6:24pm
[Sorry sorry sorry! Twenty-two days is way too late...]
The world was right again. Nyna’s world was right again. She had her best friend back, he wanted her back, and their friendship had just proven that it could withstand just about anything life could throw at it. Drama, secrets, time apart. It was invincible, one of the few solid things in Nyna’s life. It was good to know that. Knowing that she could always hang onto their friendship made her feel secure, like having shelter from a cold wind.
And boy did she need that kind of shelter right now. In more ways than one. The first being that her heart still needed to heal. She still needed to be Ash’s friend. She would always need to be his friend. Their amity was one of the few solid things in her life. Not that her life was overly confusing, it was just that things in it were often…impermanent. And she needed to know that this wasn’t one of those things.
The second was much more literal. She needed shelter from the cold because outside it was January, thus making it cold. The fact that it looked nice out wasn’t at all helpful, and the fact that her back was covered in mud was less than cooperative as well. Dang mud. Dang cold. How she disliked the combination of the two.
But, however much she hated the damp mud and bitter cold, she didn’t notice them too much. There was something much more important for her to be noticing. Ash was here, actually here. He was her friend again, and she his. Nyna still had to wrap her mind around it, still had to make sure this wasn’t a splendid dream or unbelievably cruel trick.
Everything was right again. Everything in her immediate world was right again. And it felt indescribably wonderful. If it was in fact her imagination, she never wanted to come back to reality. This was just too perfect (aside from the mud, of course).
“Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.”
A saying she’d once heard popped into her mind suddenly. It went so perfectly with what was going on that Nyna had to smile. She couldn’t remember who said it, but she was certainly glad they had. One could easily replace love with friendship, and they would understand her and Ash’s situation. Or maybe they wouldn’t have to replace anything. It wasn’t love like that of a boyfriend and girlfriend, but two people who still cared deeply about each other.
Their friendship was still intact, even after this absence, as it would forever be. Nyna knew it was so, and she was pretty certain Ashkir felt that way too.
They must be pretty great.
She’d been pinning him to the ground, waiting for a response to her question. She wasn’t going to get off him (not as awkward as it sounded…) until he answered her. They both knew that. Nyna was determined. She had forgiven him of whatever he thought he needed to be forgiven of. Being cold? Yes, he had been bitterly harsh, but so had she. It was a vivid memory that she had left him at that Tea Parlor after he’d told her his longest kept secret. Was she forgiving him for keeping a secret? It wasn’t needed. Everyone had secrets. They just had surprisingly few.
“It’s my fault, not yours.”
When he spoke, she was shocked. It seemed like surprise without reason, but she knew instantly what had brought it on. All that week – that entire, grueling seven days – Nyna had been thinking that same thing in her mind. She’d been picturing what would happen if she had met Ash in one of the halls, or on the grounds. She had pictured herself bravely taking hold of his shoulders, looking into his brilliant blue eyes and saying those exact same words.
She’d pictured herself saying that. It was her fault and she knew it deep down.
It had made her heart hurt that whole week to be carrying around the guilt of knowing it was her mistake and not being able to talk about it to anyone. If she had, Nyna knew they would think she was a monster. They would have good reason, and she wouldn’t have blamed them.
It never would have happened that way, the apology as she pictured it. Nyna knew she wasn’t that brave. She wouldn’t have had it in her to face Ash on her own. She would have run, avoided eye contact, remained silent. She would have believed he hated her, or was angry with her, even though she felt neither towards him. She would have been a coward around the one who was at one time her world. But it was always good to dream.
As much as she wanted to, as much as she disagreed with him, believed it was her own darn fault, she didn’t argue with him. She didn’t want to do anything to ruin this moment. It was a good moment, and she smiled at the realization that she had him pinned in the mud. She would give anything not to ruin it.
“Thanks,” she replied softly, her smile remaining and still genuine. Somehow, after she got past the momentary shock, it made her happy that Ash hadn’t – didn’t – hate her. It felt…relieving in a way that she couldn’t explain with words. She hugged him slightly, to the best of her abilities in this rather unusual position.
Gently their positions were shifted so that he was kind of in his arms. It was hard to explain, but Nyna was sort of resting against him, and Ash was sitting up. It was pleasant, and she could feel his warmth contrasting comfortably with the cold January air. Once more she prayed this wasn’t a dream.
“I have something for you,”
Nyna heard his words and looked at him for a moment with curious eyes. What did he have for her? If he was going to give her the bracelet, the very item that had brought her to her knees, she would not accept it. It was his, had been for too many years to count. His tone, the gleam in his focused blue eyes told her a moment too late that something much less…sentimental was going to happen.
His left hand was up behind her head.
Nyna barely had time to think a short swear before she felt the mud squish against her already soaked and stained hair. Even so, her mouth still opened slightly and her hand shot to the back of her head, two automatic responses. It was cold after all.
It took her a moment to compose herself, but in that time Ash had already gotten up and was running. He knew what was coming. He knew he was in for it.
“Ash Devereux! You are dead!” she said, unable to control her laughter as she was getting to her feet so she could run after him. No, she hadn’t forgotten about George’s old her Nimbus. It just wouldn’t be fair to pursue him on her broom. This may have been war, but that wouldn’t have been her style.
Nyna’s approach would have been to send a good Rictusempra charm after him. And that’s exactly what she did, waiting the moments before she would know if it made contact of not. Yes, he had merely put mud in her hair, but that was what was meant when they said that all was fair in love and war.
This was certainly war. | |
| vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (4th Apr 21 at 9:28am UTC) | | Alte
| |
| vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (4th Apr 21 at 9:31am UTC) | | 203.6
| |
| vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (4th Apr 21 at 9:32am UTC) | | PERF
| |
| vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (4th Apr 21 at 9:34am UTC) | | PERF
| |
| vylon
Veteran Member
Posts: 202,463
Status: Offline
Joined:
| | Re: Everything = Complicated (4th Apr 21 at 9:35am UTC) | | Loto
| |
| |
|
|
|
Nick's Notes
|
|
You have ventured upon the personal website of Nick. Notes, theories, thesis', papers, and ramblings of the mind are stored upon this forum. If you value your sanity I suggest turning away and not even bother requesting access...but however if you wish to set your mind to such trials then you may proceed.
|
|
